This seems to be the question on the minds of many faithful Catholics who feel they are at a cross-roads right now with the shameful state of the church. I can only speak for myself, but when I finally started reading up on what all the talk was about, I started to make several observations about my faith.
1. I feel torn between wanting to stay and quite frankly go on with life as planned before I realized what had been going on for decades, and wanting to disassociate myself with a church that no longer sounds like it's living up to its promises.
2. I have realized that I have idolized my denominational affiliation over my relationship with Christ. My current parish family has been amazing in slowly but surely helping me work on what's important - namely my relationship with Jesus, but this has not been my Catholic experience prior to this parish.
3. I am going back to the Scriptures, weighing the interpretations of different denominations, and really questioning some of the unique aspects of Catholicism. Jesus's Real Presence in the Eucharist is chief among these. It seems that faithful Catholics who are not considering leaving the church simply refer to Jesus' Real Presence and say with resignation, "where else could we go?" But as I've found out, this is a misleading question, because several other denominations believe in some version of a literal interpretation of John 6's Discourse of the Bread of Life.
4. Which brings me to my next thought - is it Jesus's Real Presence in the Eucharist that I want to continue to have access to in my church community? Do I really believe that I cannot follow Christ, cannot have a relationship with Him, cannot do His will, unless I receiving Him in Holy Communion? (The answer is a resounding no, underlined actually by a statistic I learned from today's homily. Apparently only 6% of Catholics believe that sharing the gospel is a priority. Um, what are we doing in church then people? Are we not listening at all at the end of Mass when we are sent out to do just that?) Are we looking at weighing the reality of our Eucharistic Lord against having a vivid and real relationship with our Savior? Is it an either-or situation? Certainly, there is room for both, but in my experience, having Jesus physically yet mysteriously present in the Eucharist has set up boundaries around Him. It has limited where I turn to find Him. It has encouraged a private devotion with zero interest in sharing Him with others.
5. Is my desire to remain Catholic a holdover from simply what is familiar? And if so, is that in itself so bad? Well, I don't think so, with one big caveat: If I stay, I nonetheless have to do something. What, I don't know yet, but something. If I stay and do nothing, then yes, I am condoning the scandal and the cover-up. And I am not OK with that.
6. And if access to our Eucharistic Lord is a hindrance to a living relationship with Christ, am I then obligated to distance myself from this one manifestation of Jesus in order to better find Him elsewhere? Because regardless, ultimately I am to share Christ. Which brings me to a good resting point. This week I start the Sharing Christ series, the third and final installment of an intentional discipleship series I've been participating in. Perhaps there I can get some clarity.
Practical reasons why I need to commit - and soon - to stay or go, in no particular order:
1. Choice of homeschooling history curriculum spine. Do I want the Catholic-friendly Story of Civilization, or the Protestant (and hence at times anti-Catholic) Story of the World?
2. Do we prepare our children for their first Reconciliation and Communion in a few years as planned?
3. Do we change how we talk about God to our children?
4. Do we change how we pray? What we pray?
5. Do we embark on a dual denominational period during which we start exposing our kids to a church community that isn't centered on the Eucharist?
I think the best thing for me to do right now is to pretend there is no other church to which we can belong (as often is the case in various places in the world), and therefore maintain our ties there for at the very least the fellowship aspect of our faith. And then we would need to step up our private devotion, Scripture study, and the like. I think it's a good method no matter what, because ultimately, our personal relationship with Jesus is up to us as individuals, not the church we belong to.
Sunday, September 9, 2018
Thursday, September 6, 2018
Scandal and Fallout
So I have been living under a rock. I mean, I "knew" about the previous sex abuse scandal in the Catholic church, but I never took any time to learn any details about it. As recently as last month, I assured fellow Catholics that no one threatens to leave the country when scandal breaks out at the White House or among the police, because we know the country is built on something greater than the individuals that disappoint us. I didn't think it was any different with church membership. But you know what, that's a little like comparing apples and oranges. It's nowhere near as feasible for most people to migrate to a foreign country as it is for them to choose a different church to go to.
I also engaged in a little bit of "blame the victim" mentality, or rather, blame the victims' parents. I thought - where were the parents of the kids being abused? Why did they trust clergy to be alone with their children? I've never been an altar server, nor have I ever attended vacation bible school. I didn't meet many priests personally until recently. So this is foreign territory for me. But my daughter has now experienced her first vacation bible school. I remember writing in my first letter to her that I support whatever path she may follow in life, consecrated religious life included. I thought about the possibility of my son being a priest someday since before I had confirmation that I was pregnant with him. Today, I have to say that I would be very cautious about the idea, and I don't know that I'll actively encourage my kids to discern this possibility anymore.
And in a much more pressing, immediate scenario... Confession. We may need to seek out the old screened confessional booths again to maintain some level of security and safety. I love and trust our current pastor, but the sad truth is that these clerical criminals have tainted the reputation of all the clergy. Their victims and their victims' parents also trusted them. So my feelings of trust are no consolation anymore.
It is a sad day when I feel I have to take it upon myself to put into effect safety mechanisms to protect my family from the leaders of my church. It shouldn't be like that. The church is not supposed to be just another secular organization. Yet, I don't see how I can see it as anything other than anymore.
Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 16:18 "upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it." So I'm left with a few thoughts on this. One - I believe that Jesus meant to establish a church based on the leadership of Peter. Two - I believe Satan has been attacking Christ's church and this is a renewed effort. Three - I don't believe Jesus started an organization, so I don't think it is necessary to think of His Church in terms of a hierarchy. I believe it is more appropriate to think of the fellowship of all believers as Christ's church. I don't feel bound by loyalty to the Pope anymore. The Pope has failed me. He has failed his calling to lead his flock. But his failure does not negate the value of the church. I just have to reassess how I define "church".
But there's a much bigger obstacle to my "leaving" Catholicism. Ironically, it's an obstacle many converts to Catholicism struggle with before finally embracing the faith: the Eucharist. But there is no denying Christ's words in the 6th chapter of the gospel of John, verses 35-66. I'm finding myself on a mission of interpretation. Because let's be honest. If I were to not believe in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, then I would see no reason to remain a Catholic.
The current scandal is merely forcing the issue because I'm having a hard time believing in anything - having faith in anything - coming from the same hierarchy that has shown itself to be completely unconcerned with its mission and calling. If they don't take their position seriously, how can we, the laity?
I also engaged in a little bit of "blame the victim" mentality, or rather, blame the victims' parents. I thought - where were the parents of the kids being abused? Why did they trust clergy to be alone with their children? I've never been an altar server, nor have I ever attended vacation bible school. I didn't meet many priests personally until recently. So this is foreign territory for me. But my daughter has now experienced her first vacation bible school. I remember writing in my first letter to her that I support whatever path she may follow in life, consecrated religious life included. I thought about the possibility of my son being a priest someday since before I had confirmation that I was pregnant with him. Today, I have to say that I would be very cautious about the idea, and I don't know that I'll actively encourage my kids to discern this possibility anymore.
And in a much more pressing, immediate scenario... Confession. We may need to seek out the old screened confessional booths again to maintain some level of security and safety. I love and trust our current pastor, but the sad truth is that these clerical criminals have tainted the reputation of all the clergy. Their victims and their victims' parents also trusted them. So my feelings of trust are no consolation anymore.
It is a sad day when I feel I have to take it upon myself to put into effect safety mechanisms to protect my family from the leaders of my church. It shouldn't be like that. The church is not supposed to be just another secular organization. Yet, I don't see how I can see it as anything other than anymore.
Jesus said to Peter in Matthew 16:18 "upon this rock I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it." So I'm left with a few thoughts on this. One - I believe that Jesus meant to establish a church based on the leadership of Peter. Two - I believe Satan has been attacking Christ's church and this is a renewed effort. Three - I don't believe Jesus started an organization, so I don't think it is necessary to think of His Church in terms of a hierarchy. I believe it is more appropriate to think of the fellowship of all believers as Christ's church. I don't feel bound by loyalty to the Pope anymore. The Pope has failed me. He has failed his calling to lead his flock. But his failure does not negate the value of the church. I just have to reassess how I define "church".
But there's a much bigger obstacle to my "leaving" Catholicism. Ironically, it's an obstacle many converts to Catholicism struggle with before finally embracing the faith: the Eucharist. But there is no denying Christ's words in the 6th chapter of the gospel of John, verses 35-66. I'm finding myself on a mission of interpretation. Because let's be honest. If I were to not believe in the Real Presence of Jesus in the Eucharist, then I would see no reason to remain a Catholic.
The current scandal is merely forcing the issue because I'm having a hard time believing in anything - having faith in anything - coming from the same hierarchy that has shown itself to be completely unconcerned with its mission and calling. If they don't take their position seriously, how can we, the laity?
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