Have you ever frantically looked for something, like your keys or your glasses, especially when you were in a hurry and really needed the item, only to finally find them right on your person all along? The keys were in your pocket, or the glasses were on your nose (or pushed up on your head like a headband!). This has been my experience with matters of the spirit.
I grew up unaware that there is a difference between religion and spirituality. I thought spirituality was an aspect of religion, but that they necessarily had to coexist. I also thought, in spite of evidence to the contrary, that spirituality is informed by religion, and therefore, one must first be clear on which religion one identifies with, and then one may speak of having any sort of spiritual practice.
For this reason, I bounced from religion to religion, denomination to denomination, church to church, looking for that elusive spiritual home. On several occasions, I thought I found it, but once the dust settled, I realized there was something missing afterall, and off I went in search of God again.
I have often heard it said that we ought to do or say whatever God puts on our heart, without worrying about any visible "effect", because most of us need to hear (or experience) the same thing multiple times before it starts to get ingrained in our psyche. As such, you never know if yours may not be that final straw on the proverbial camel's back.
In the same way, how frequently have I read, heard, and reflected on Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God." And yet, I kept right on running, metaphorically speaking, looking for God when God has been with me and within me all along.
So what is it about religion that has prevented me from internalizing the very contemplative message of the good news of Jesus? Namely, that "the kingdom of God is at hand" (Mark 1:15). I believe that if Jesus were to incarnate in a singular historic person today, he might instead say things like, "that of God is within you", "the Eucharist is but a small reminder of the Real Presence of God in all places and at all times," "be one with me the way I am one with the Father" (Oh, wait, Jesus already said that. See John 17:21).
Yet even though these realizations aren't new to me, per se, this is the first time I'm trying to let them stand on their own, without needing someone else, or many someone elses, to interpret and analyze what my personal experience can handle all on its own. I've heard a Catholic critique of Protestants once that says that "every Protestant is their own Pope", alluding to the fact that Catholics look to the Bishop of Rome for final interpretation of Scripture, while Protestants trust their own interpretation of Scripture. The elephant in the room of this argument is, of course, that Scripture must be interpreted by someone. It does not stand alone. Sola Scriptura is an absurdity.
When I first heard this argument, I sided with Catholic apologetics. Of course Scripture must be interpreted! And therefore, to my mind, it made sense to have a single designated person somehow uniquely inspired by the holy Spirit of God to do the necessary interpretation: the Pope.
Only, this is not at all the only natural end of the need to interpret Scripture. In John 16, Jesus is speaking to his disciples, not merely to Peter (the purported "first Pope"), when he says that "when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you."
It seems to me that Jesus is telling his disciples, which we are all called to be, that the holy Spirit of God will guide us. All of us. In other words, God Himself will lead us to the truth.
At this point, it may seem like I am sharing a story of conversion from Catholicism to Protestantism, but I am not. At least not mainstream, Evangelical Protestantism, which worships Jesus often to the exclusion of actually following Him. Jesus never once said "worship me". He never even alluded to it. There's nothing we can point to and interpret, metaphorically or otherwise, that hints at the idea that Jesus wanted us to organize into a religion where we worship him. He didn't really address religion much at all, except to call out religious hypocrites (remember Matthew 23:33? "You snakes! You brood of vipers!") or praise the good works of people from different religious backgrounds then himself (think the Good Samaritan parable, for instance).
Rather, Jesus said over and over again: "follow me". What does it mean to follow someone? I don't know about you, but when I think of following someone, I think of following their advice and their example. I don't know what else it could possibly mean. And the behaviors that Jesus modeled are just as unpopular today as they were in his day: compassion, mercy, forgiveness, peace, acceptance of God's will, love of enemies... These are the ideals, and often when individuals express such virtuous strength of character, they are lauded by other Christians.
But more often than not, Christians - Protestant and otherwise - find reasons why Jesus's teachings don't apply to them or to the situation at hand. I'm thinking here of the gay bashing "in the name of Jesus", and all of the related "pious" behaviors and "righteous indignation" over the "sins of others". I'm thinking here of the shaming of promiscuous women and girls while turning a blind eye to their male accomplices.
But this just proves how imperfect the followers of Jesus are. If we were honest about it, rather than trying to hold on to our egos and convince ourselves and others that we are doing such a good job, then we would talk a lot more about taking the logs out of our own eyes instead of micromanaging the specks in the eyes of others (Matthew 7:5). We would be reminded at every worship service and Bible study and small faith group meeting to be humble and to worry about fixing ourselves and loving others, insead of fixing others and loving ourselves. (Of course, we ought to love ourselves, since Jesus did command us to do so in Matthew 22:37, but what I'm talking about here is the surprising number of times I've been encouraged to think of myself as a "princess" because I am the daughter of the King. Yet Jesus never exulted himself, so why should we exult ourselves, if we are to follow him?)
There is a lot more to discuss here, but I'm not writing to convince anyone of anything. Words can only take us so far anyway. I am only here to process my own thoughts and help myself embrace this new understanding of spirituality, which is to say that it is not dependent on religion and in fact is independent of it. Religion CAN help on our spiritual journey, but it can also hinder us. Therefore, religion itself cannot be the final litmus test of all things spiritual and divine. There must be a source independent from both that can guide us. We know, if we believe the Bible, that this independent source is known as the holy Spirit of God.
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