Friday, March 29, 2013

Why We're Not Telling Yet, Either Way

There seems to be no pleasing a "PUPO" woman.  (For the uninitiated, "PUPO" stands for "pregnant until/unless proven otherwise", and refers to the two week wait between an embryo transfer [so you know you have a baby in there] to blood test confirmation of pregnancy [when you know if the baby implanted]).

It is hard to try to keep my mind on things other than the elephant in the room, ie. the desire to know whether or not this is going to work, whether or not I'm going to STAY pregnant. So on the one hand, I do find it somewhat hurtful when those close to me, those who know about my condition, do not inquire about my state of mind.  It's a huge deal, and I'd like to see that others think so too!

On the other hand, the incessant inquiries of people wanting to know how things went, especially when we are not ready to reveal the news even if we know it (we do not, yet, by the way) puts me in a very difficult situation.  I don't want to get in the habit of lying, and I feel rude and/or as if I'm giving something away if I say "I don't want to say yet".  But in all honesty, I DON'T want to say anything as soon as we find out the results of our test.

If it's negative, then I'll need time to grieve and process this loss before I'll be ready to talk about it, so I simply won't want to have that conversation with anyone yet.

If it's positive, as I've learned, we are not out of the woods yet, and I don't want to start celebrating by telling everyone I know only to have to untell them if it turns out to be another bust.  Instead, I'd much rather wait until I feel more confident knowing that the baby is likely to stick around before I start sharing.

At the same time, I can't say that I don't want to share too soon "if" it's positive, bc that just means that if I'm not sharing, I'm giving the answer already.  Otherwise, I would've shared the news!

So there's no winning.  The best solution is to limit the number of people who know that you even cycled in the first place.  If no one knows you did anything, they won't ask, and you won't have to figure out how to respond.

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