Lessons from 23 years of Disability

I feel terrible for thinking of my dad as a burden, but it's not so much that "he" was a burden as "his condition/the circumstances" following his accident.  It's not his fault that the last 23 years were burdensome on my mom.  So it's not an insult to him to say so.  

But the truth is, while the consequences for him personally were his injury and the resulting life experiences and limitations, the consequences for my mom (also not her fault) were having to rise to the occasion and take over finances, which she did a superb job with, starting with paying off my dad's debts and then going on to live a simple yet comfortable life for both of them, and saving large amounts of money to give to their children over the years, and contributing to charity on a regular basis.  

It was one of those situations where there's no clear victor, if you will.  The only enemy was the situation that caused 23 years of purgatory on Earth for both my parents.  It was not fair that my dad felt like a burden on my mom, and it was not fair that my mom had to  take on the role of caretaker of an unwilling party.

My role as an outsider was of mere observer.  I couldn't make it better for either of them.  Perhaps the point was to realize that control is not in our hands?  Perhaps the point was to trust God through difficult circumstances?

Because let's be honest.  Turning this situation into a blame game is missing the opportunity to embrace and carry the cross given our family.  My mom of course did all the heavy lifting.  Us children basically only "suffered" the inability to have both of our parents fully to ourselves because my mom was overwhelmed with responsibility caring for my dad, and my dad was overwhelmed with his disability.  

It sucked.  It was unfair.  It was unjust.  It was difficult.  It was expensive.  It was isolating.  It was .... the reason I was able to get out of the Army when I did.  It was also a way for us to experience living with my dad's disability so that when his time finally came to go home to his Maker, we could appreciate the blessing that death can actually be.  It was an imperfect extension of life that allowed my children to have a memory of having a grandfather.  And it was a reminder that we are not in control.

How can we live a life of meaning and purpose and fulfilment knowing we are ultimately not in control?  There is only trust in God.  Trust in God is our saving grace.