Idols of Religious People

I have heard Protestants accuse Catholics of idolatry on account of both our veneration of saints and having the pope ("call no man father" and all that).  I've also heard Protestants accused of idolizing the Bible.  This made me wonder.  Can any dogmatically orthodox religious person of faith truly be free from idolatry?  Because I hope it's a given that God is mysterious.  God is not actually a dude in the sky.  God is not a Santa Clause or Genie for adults.  I think people mature in their faith would agree with these statements.  They'd be quicker to say what God is not, than to claim to know what God is.  And I do use the word "what" intentionally here.

If idolatry means placing anyone or anything above God's rightful place in our lives, then I think dogmatic people of faith - Catholic, Protestant, Orthodox, and non-Christian alike - can be said to be guilty of idolatry.  Because let's be honest - the Bible was not literally written by God.  Most honest Christians will agree with this.  Most Christians read translations of the Bible, to begin with, not the original, especially since different parts were written in different languages (Hebrew, Greek, Aramaic).  Not only translations, but many read translations of a translation (via Latin).  

That alone is enough to put into question the very likely possibility of taking something out of context.  And if we look around at the myriad opinions among Christians, even among members of the same denominations, it becomes clear that the only useful and truthful way to resource Scripture is through the appeal to a greater source than the mere book.  We reference conscience, do we not?  We tell people to "pray on it" and see where the Holy Spirit guides us.  So to then turn around and say that the Bible has all the answers is a bit disingenuous.  If the Holy Spirit can guide us to all truths by helping us interpret Scripture, then the Holy Spirit can likewise help guide us by interpreting everyday life for us.  You know, through contemplation. 

Now, for the Catholics who would pat themselves on the back that they have a more nuanced approach to the Bible, what with the Magisterium of the Church and all that.  I remember reading once that our very consciences must be "formed".  That to me sounds like a euphemism for "indoctrinated".  If I disagree with an official teaching of the Church, why should the way the Holy Spirit guided me be any less valid than the way the Holy Spirit guided the curia, let's say, or the pope?  Don't even get me started on the newfangled (by comparison to the age of Christianity) doctrine of papal infallibility.  Please.  God speaks equally to each of us.  The only reason to insist that the laity don't know what we're doing is to keep the masses from objecting to the abuses of power by the clergy.  Sorry, not sorry.

I also don't want to miss the opportunity to call out the SSPX traditional Catholics here.  Believe me, when I was in my last ditch effort to try to find a way to still hang on to Catholic faith before my deconstruction, I was desperate for a reverent Mass.  I completely understand the impulse of these folks for something that helps restore awe in God and the mystery of the beautiful liturgy before it underwent - let's be honest here, a severe Protestantation. But from a Catholic point of view, the SSPXers have essentially made the Latin Mass their idol.  They have equated this particular set of rituals, liturgy, and traditions into their God.  They cannot find it in themselves to recognize God in the post-Vatican 2 Catholic Mass, so how can they possibly see God in their unbeliever neighbor, or the modern day "Samaritan" in the next cubicle?

If we truly want to hold no thing above God, we must acquiesce that there are no one-size-fits-all, ready made answers in religion.  The church is a guide.  The bible is a guide.  They are resources.  Our faith, our spirituality, must be wholly our own.  We cannot simply regurgitate what we hear at the pulpit or read in our favorite version/translation of the Bible and claim to have a relationship with God.  Imagine if we treated our spouses this way.

Imagine relying on the social media posts of those who tagged your spouse in various images and articles, etc.  Instead of going straight to the source, you ask around to find out what your spouse really wants - from you, your relationship, life in general.  Or imagine reading some college papers or even journal entries they've written in the past, and using those to try to figure out their character.  Simply put, you will not get to know your spouse this way.  You have to be vulnerable and curious.  And you have to put in the time.  Just be with each other.  Enjoy one another's company.  Don't fear making mistakes.  

In the same way, we need to approach God.  If God is as powerful as Christians like to say God is, then God can make Godself known to us directly.  We can have a Moses moment, an Abraham moment, an Adam and Eve moment.  We can have our own Annunciation like Mary.  We can have our own transfiguration like Jesus.  In fact, Jesus actually said that he wants us to be more like him.  He never once said, "bow down before me and worship".  That came later, with ritual and Christian rock.  He said things like, "watch me, walk with me, imitate me".  

Most of the time, though, we're too busy trying to look Christian enough to fellow Christians to actually do his bidding.  Church is not a place for reflection, but for fellowship, where we don't have to be uncomfortably alone with our own thoughts.  Or our psychological wellbeing is usurped by a compulsion to treat every human trait that doesn't reach perfections (so, most of them) as a sin in need of constant confession.  We're so busy beating ourselves up for our faults, that we never stop focusing on ourselves long enough to actually "do unto others as you would have them do unto you".  

The most important verse in the Bible, if you ask me, is this: "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10).  Whatever else we're doing, if we're not doing that, then we have an idol in our lives that parades around as if it were God. 

What is the Good News?

"Sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence"  (1 Peter 3:15)

For years I asked the question - what is the good news?  It seems so vague, reading about it in Scripture.  I hear it weekly, proclaimed from the pulpit.  It appeared as though every other Christian knew what this was all about, except for me.  I kid you not, I truly didn't know what exactly was the good news!  

Basically, it's like this.  God loves me unconditionally, and He sacrificed even Himself on the Cross to ensure that I could spend eternity with Him in heaven.  He loves me so much that He couldn't stand the idea of being separated from me, even though I turn from Him when I sin.  He loves me like no one else loves me.  He loves me like I love no one else.  He models true love for me.  I am loved to the ends of the Earth.  What can possibly be better news than that???

Ok, so here comes the natural extension of this realization.  If I feel so utterly loved by God that I live my life in a way that is often contrary to the secular standards of the world, then shouldn't I be grateful beyond measure for this gift of unconditional love and the resulting inner peace that comes with it?  And if I am indeed grateful, then shouldn't I desire to share this gift with others? 

(Of course, if I don't live my life any differently than Secular Sam, then I have to wonder if I really believe in God's eternal love for me.)

I struggle with self-consciousness.  But in Christ (the incarnation of God's love for me!), I am learning to accept who I am, praising the Lord for my positive attributes, and humbling accepting correction surrounding my negative tendencies.  

I worry. But in Christ, I trust God and needn't worry any longer!

I judge. But in Christ, I am aware of my own smallness and feel a sense of comraderie with my fellow sisters and brothers, all children of God, all struggling to some degree in various areas of their lives.  

I have been waiting to replace these faults with virtues (mainly humility and faith) before feeling ready to be able "to give an account for the hope that is in" me (1 Peter 3:15).  But perhaps the best way to attain these virtues is through practice!  Humble in the realization that I am not where I'd like to be, where God calls me to be, as far as virtue is concerned, I have faith that He can nonetheless use even my imperfect attempts to give a testimony of His great love.

So, if right now you do not have a sense of peace about your life, if you are anxious about the future or have regrets about the past, if you struggle with tendencies that you aren't very proud of, if you feel alone and unloved.... I have great news for you!  

Your Creator loves you beyond measure!  He made you on purpose, with a plan for your life. He forgives you for whatever is nagging at your conscience, so long as you admit your wrongdoing and repent!  He wants to spend not just this earthly life with you, but all of eternity!  Whatever is holding you back from living up to your potential, He can help!  He is, after all, the mastermind behind the blueprint for your life!  He can fix it!  He can make it better!  All He wants in return is your love.  Can you believe it?  Can you accept His love? Because that is all it takes - accepting His free offer of unconditional love and eternal life.  

Hot Spiritual Mess

Reclaiming my faith hasn't been easy.  (Well, neither was early pregnancy, or moving in the midst of the worst nausea I could've imagined.)  I joined a Catholic young adult book club and just finished reading the book that we are starting to discuss on Tuesday (I can't seem to pace myself.)  Made for More by Curtis Martin. When I first read about this book study, I hadn't yet made the leap back home to the RCC.  I actually asked if this book would be a good fit for someone who didn't quite believe at all.  By the time I ordered the book, I had technically come back home, and was eager to read about how I was made for more.

As I read the book, I realized that my mind found absolutely no objections to what was being discussed.  And yet, to say I believed, in the same way that I believe in a creator God and eternal life, that would not be accurate.  I believe in eternal life and a creator God with every fiber of my being, not so much as a matter of faith, but rather as a matter of fact.  I'm ok not knowing all the details, but those two things I simply cannot phathom not being true.

But as far as the Christian bend on spiritual reality, it's more a work in progress.  I'm making my mind up that I want to believe, I'm purposefully ignoring the thoughts and influences that in the past I've allowed to carry me away from the possibility of believing in Christ.  I'm trusting that God will meet me where I am, which, to be honest, isn't very close to where I'd like to be.  It's sort of like trying to convince myself that Santa Clause is real.  Sort of.

As I was reading, it occurred to me that one of my obstacles is the violence that is at the center of the storyline.  I have sworn off tv shows I used to love, such as the NCIS series, after postpartum anxiety got the better of me and my imagination would take off on its own with violent thoughts at random points in the day.  I have never gone - nor do I ever intend to go - to the Holocaust Museum, because I don't need the visual evidence to understand the enormity of the evil that took place.  It happened to my family, in my country, I grew up hearing first hand accounts of World War II.  It's as real as it needs to be for me.

Which interestingly reminds me of how there are actually people who continue to deny that the Holocaust actually took place.  Or American slavery.  These are the people who need to go to these museums, to watch the documentaries, to be faced with the reality head on.  But these are the people that I'm afraid I'm like when it comes to my faith.  Is the horror of the Crucifixion so great that my overly sensitive spirit simply cannot take it all in?  Is it too much for me to be able to form a life-giving faith around such a violent event?  

You see, in the heyday of my faith, I actually did meditate on the Stations of the Cross.  I actually did enter into the Way of the Cross.  I physically would get weak from the mere thought of what Jesus had to endure.  I ached at the sights of the blows, thorns, nails.... It became very real to me, and now I wonder if it was too real for me to handle.  

Am I simply in denial?  Is the reality of Jesus's suffering too much for me to handle, so I'm just blocking it out?  Does the thought of martyrdom as evidence of the convincing faith of the early (and later) Christians force me to realize that I can't sit on the fence, just observing my Catholic Christian faith as if it were an entertaining movie that I didn't actually have to get my hands dirty for?

I may want my religion, my faith, my spirituality to be minimalist, simple, clean, but being a true Catholic Christian does not allow for the easy route.  And so I am immediately faced with the choice - am I with Jesus, or not?  Am I a follower or just a fan of his work?  

You see, cultural or not, I grew up Catholic.  I believe in Purgatory.  I believe God desires salvation for all of us, and that even after death, we have the opportunity to return to Our Father.  So hellfire and damnation doesn't work on me.  I am not scared of hell, because I don't believe I'm going there.  I don't believe Scriptures prove hell, just post-death torment for those who didn't get right with God in time.  But I believe this is not eternal.  As I write this, I find it ridiculous.  Does it matter if the torment lasts a day or eternity?  As weary as I am of pain and suffering in my earthly life, you'd think I'd be highly motivated to avoid even a little bit of "cleansing by fire" (Malachi 3:3).

I am taking God's goodness and mercy for granted, I know.  I expect Him to be all-loving and therefore to understand my struggles and shortcomings and forgive me.  But I am not ignorant of what Jesus said when tempted by Satan: "You shall not put the Lord your God to the test" (Luke 4:12).

I still have a long way to go.

Spiritual Independent in the Catholic Tradition

Last night I conducted a sort of thought-experiment.  I imagined my daughter asking me what some aspect of Catholicism meant, how she was to understand it, what its relevance was to living a meaningful life.

First, I thought of the major figures and events of the Old Testament.  I imagined telling my daughter that each of these stories was meant to convey a certain moral.

The Creation story is meant to remind us that we are made in the image of God, that we have that of God in us (as Quakers would say).  Also, this story shows how it is human nature to always want more, since even living in paradise, Adam and Eve are shown to be dissatisfied.  The consequences, of course, were dire, and the point of the story is that we should cultivate contentment, that learning to be content with where we are in life without constantly wanting something different or something more, is the key to a return to paradise.

Noah was given instructions from God that made no sense.  He was ridiculed for building a giant arc no where near a water source.  And yet, his dedication to being in tune with God, willing to listen for God's inspiration regardless if it is what we expect to "hear", led to him being the only one prepared to endure the legendary flood.  The story also highlights the importance of the various members of the animal kingdom, as God desired for all of them to be saved along with the humans.

The tower of Babel shows that our different languages, cultures, religions serve to divide us, limiting our ability to work together towards a goal.  Of course, the goal of the people in the story was to worship an idol, hardly a task worthy of enlightened persons.  But the underlying point is that God originally wanted us to work together - it wasn't until the people in the story proved to try to use their community for bad that God put a stop to their nonsense.  So with the right joint goal, it can be said that God wants us to work together and transcend the superficial differences of our societies.

Sarah and Abraham didn't receive their mission in the story of the Hebrew (and later Jewish) people until an old age.  This goes to show that we are never too old to make a contribution, to do something worthwhile.  (I absolutely refuse to engage in the other part of the story, child sacrifice.)

Moses led his people wandering around for generations.  I think this is indicative of another aspect of the human condition.  We search, we seek, we want to find God, even if we seem to constantly mess up along the way.

The proverbs are mini morality lessons, Cliff notes without the whole myth or legend to dig through.  Just the bare pearls of wisdom.

Psalms and - one of my favorite books of the Bible - Isaiah are not so much stories with morals as they are expressions of praise and worship and adoration towards our wonderful creator.  When we cannot find the words ourselves, we can turn to these books and find a reminder about how awe-inspiring God is, how miraculous life is.

Even the utterly tear-inducing borefest of Leviticus can be valuable.  It shows in minute detail how one people - the ancient Hebrews - expressed their spirituality.  The detail with which they tried to please God is noteworthy, even if not relevant to modern times or gentile people.

Next, as far as the New Testament, I strongly believe that Christianity is a religion started by Paul, who took advantage of Jesus's teachings and popularity and twisted it according to his own spiritual understanding.  As such, I see little value in placing much of what's written there on the "truth spectrum".  Even so, there is certainly plenty to be gained from the stories found there.

One of the values of the gospels can be found in what they have in common.  That which is repeated, well, apparently bares repeating.  The teachings that are attributed to Jesus, regardless if he actually taught them, stand alone.  Each of Jesus's teachings can be taken to heart and applied to our modern lives.  If we struggle with guilt or grudges, Jesus insists on our repentance and assures us of our forgiveness.  If we struggle with keeping the various commandments, he breaks it down for us to the core, so we know what the motivation behind our thoughts, words, and actions ought to be.  If we are stuck in a constant competition, comparing ourselves to others, Jesus reminds us what's important instead.

I really like the way Quakers are stereotypically said to hone down their values: integrity, peace, simplicity, equality, community, stewardship.  Jesus not only teaches these things through his sermons, but he lives them and exemplifies them through the stories about him.

The incarnation story takes place in the womb of an unlikely candidate.  A woman, a young girl really, is elevated to the role of God-bearer and later (in Catholic and Orthodox theology anyway) Queen of Heaven.  Equality.  In the story of the nativity, Jesus is born in a barn among hay and animals.  Simplicity.  He travels around with his disciples, and he slowly expands the circle of his audience to include gentiles.  Community.  He dines with people no respectable person would dine with.  Equality and peace.  His passion, crucifixion, and death are an incredible testament to his integrity and commitment to peace.  He has opportunities to change what he preaches, to go back on what he's said, in order to save his life but he doesn't.  Even stewardship can be found in how he alludes to the lessons we should take from nature - the sparrow who doesn't collect into barns yet is fed, the wildflower that doesn't spin yet is marvelously clothed.  Nature, it would seem, is there to teach us, not to be trampled on.

I also like how the Rosary gives each of the main events of the story of Jesus a core value or spiritual gem to ponder.  These vary somewhat depending on the source, but include gratitude for the gift of faith, fidelity, desire for holiness, spiritual courage, and love for the Eucharistic Lord (Luminous Mysteries instituted by pope St John Paul the Great).  That last one is clearly Catholic-specific, but we can easily simplify it to "love of God". (The Joyful Mysteries encourage us to ponder: humility, love of neighbor, poverty of spirit, purity of mind and body, and obedience.  The Sorrowful Mysteries: acceptance of God's will, mortification of the senses, reign of Christ in our heart [Quakers would say "Christ within", or "God within"], patient bearing of trials, and pardoning of injuries.  The Glorious Mysteries: faith, hope, gifts of the Holy Spirit [ability to be inspired by God], "to Jesus through Mary" [value in intersession], and grace of final perseverance.)

Finally, I also considered the regular ritual practice of mass attendance in my thought experiment.  I continue to participate regularly with my husband and daughter in spite of having completely made peace with the fact that I am no longer Christian.  Nonetheless, I am staying put on Sundays because there is still much spiritual wealth in the practices, even if my understanding of them is different from the "official" beliefs.

We gather together regularly for the very basic human need to form community.  We sing, pray, and hopefully learn together, as well as contribute financially to the greater good.  These acts remind us of our social nature and that we have a place in the community.

The stories of the Old and New Testament are read and expounded upon, so even those who never crack open the Bible on their own have the benefit of being exposed to the moral lessons discussed above.

But as Catholics, the center of our worship is the Eucharist.  I have never stopped feeling something special about being in the presence of the Eucharist.  It has been ingrained in me, and I welcome having this opportunity to still link to my old Catholic faith.  Yes, God is everywhere, but when something is too wide-spread, it loses its appeal.  When something is overdone, it stops being special.  That's why we celebrate birthdays, holidays.  They are special days set aside to remember someone or something worth remembering.  That's not to say we shouldn't remember them any other day.  But without that special designation, everything becomes mundane.

And so, being able to step foot in a Catholic church, stand in front of the tabernacle, and become aware of the enveloping silence around me, I'm able to truly come to grips with the fact that I am standing on holy ground.  I am in the presence of God.  It's not that this place is more holy than any other place, or that God is more present here than anywhere else.  But the reminder makes it very real for me.

Then, we are invited not just to be in God's presence, but to actually come up and receive holy Communion.  We are being allowed to physically experience the spiritual reality of God being a part of us.  There is that of God in all of us.  Literally.  Not only that, but watching others receive Communion reminds me that each and every one of these people is made in the image of God, has that of God in them.  I don't have to know them, agree with them, or even like them.  God made them and lives in them all the same.  What a beautiful reminder!

And then, at the end of Mass, we are told to go forth and take what we've learned, what we've experienced, into the world.  So in a sense, we are told to include everyone we meet or come in contact with in this realization that God lives in them too.  And so we are encouraged not to limit our experience of God to this time and place, but to have our weekly church attendance nourish our souls for the week, so that we can stand in the presence of God on the street, in our living room, under a tree, stuck in traffic, in an elevator, in line at the store, in the waiting room at the doctor's, and remember how God is there with us, in the people around us.

The interesting thing about this thought experiment is that it occurred to me halfway through that by just framing the Catholic teachings as "stories" and the "sacraments" as "ritual reminders", all of a sudden I don't experience my defenses kicking in, resulting in a blockage to gaining any spiritual benefit from any of it.  Instead, I'm able to hear the deeper meaning and grow spiritually.  As a Spiritual Independent, in the Catholic tradition.