We Still Do! (Vow Renewal / 10th Wedding Anniversary)

This past weekend Alex and I celebrated our 10^th wedding anniversary with a vow renewal ceremony during Mass.  In attendance were:  my parents, my brother, my sister and her new husband (married 3 days prior), Alex’s mom and her gentleman friend, Alex’s sister and her daughter and husband, our friends Courtney, Melissa, Yessenia, Liz (with her new baby Nick), and Erick, and a couple from our Marriage Encounter Circle.  

As we waited for Mass to start, Alex was encouraging the reader walking up with the processional to participate in Worldwide Marriage Encounter.  It was precious to hear my husband spreading good news about marriage.

Entrance procession at start of Mass

We walked in with the priests during the processional and sat at the front.  Fr. Kevin and Fr. Frank were co-celebrating, which was awesome!  The music director included all four of our requested hymns in the Mass:

Here I am Lord (by Dan Schutte) 

How Great Thou Art (by Stuart K. Hine) 

They'll Know We Are Christians (by Peter Scholtes)  

Lead Me, Lord (by John D. Becker) 

We chose these songs because they have had an impact on us and our faith journey.  We are at the service of the Master, and as a married couple, we are called to share Christ's love with the world, starting by modeling His love within our marriage.

The altar at St. Francis of Assisi Catholic Church

We got some awesome photos with the beautiful altar as the backdrop.  And just like 10 years ago, I continue to be 100% satisfied with my choice of wedding dress, which I wore to the renewal.  I cannot imagine a more beautiful dress or color!  

Alex wore his wedding vest, and I wore my wedding dress and shoes.

 For some reason, we hadn’t realized that we would actually be repeating the same vows we said on our wedding day.  There we were, standing up at the altar, holding hands and gazing into each others’ eyes as we made lofty promises that we already knew we could keep because we had kept them for the past 10 years!  Between the intense eye contact and the realization of how much more meaningful the vows were this time around, by the time it was my turn, I had to pause several times to soldier through the tears.  Fr. Kevin said “that’s one happy bride... do you know something we don’t?”  And of course he was hinting at our miracle baby, but not everyone knew yet.  

 There was a part of me that wanted to address the community and share some of the difficult things we’ve been through, and how through it all the Lord brought us closer and closer together.  I wanted them to know that it is possible to have a solid marriage, if you only include God in it the way He intended.  I wanted them to know that you will fight, disagree, be disappointed or even hurt, have to compromise, change your goals, and hold your tongue.  You won’t always like each other, but marriage – and love – is about a commitment. Alex and I promised each other that we would be there for each other no matter what, and we both believe each others’ promises.  If we didn’t believe, we’d have no trust, no foundation on which to build a solid marriage.

We brought up the gifts this time as well, just like at our original wedding.  Only this time, we weren’t in a tiny chapel with a mere 20 or so people, but in the main church with the entire parish community (at least those who go to the Saturday vigil mass) with us.  We loved being able to share with so many people the joy of our marital bliss, especially in a society that degrades marriage to an unpleasant rite of passage, generally temporary, and certainly self-serving.  

We had dinner with our families afterwards and spent some time at our favorite karaoke joint with a few close friends.  Then we went to our hotel room and opened up our unexpected but wonderfully thoughtful gifts and cards.  It truly felt like we had gotten married all over again!

I’m already thinking about the next time we renew our vows, with our child or children sitting in the pews, rooting us on.  This time, “Dino” was there and behaved quite well, but we won’t see her/him on pictures. Next time, we will :-)

Vow renewal plans

Alex and I are getting ready to celebrate our 10^th wedding anniversary in a few months.  Pretty much since getting married, we have talked about renewing our vows on this anniversary.  Alex doesn’t think he had enough input in the original celebration, so I am releasing the reigns to let him have creative control over our renewal.  That’s not to say that I don’t have some ideas of my own.

I definitely had a very specific goal in mind when planning our wedding.  I was a feminist, and this shone through the decisions that went into various aspects of our wedding.  To start with, I refused to wear a veil.  My understanding of veiling was very limited 10 years ago.  I took at face value other feminists’ critiques of various conservative traditions.  I bought into the notion that veiling meant I was submissive to my husband, and as a feminist, that just wasn’t going to fly.

Now, technically, marital submission is indeed an aspect of veiling in Christianity, but, especially within Catholicism, for a woman to wear a veil means more than just that she accepts the place in the world that God gave her.  By veiling, a woman honors herself as a temple of God.  We veil what is sacred, and women are sacred.  I can get on board with that reasoning! 

Catholic women traditionally cover their hair when in the presence of Our Lord in the Eucharist.   Not only did Alex and I get married in a Catholic church, but directly on the altar of the chapel, right in front of the tabernacle!  Yet I refused to veil.  A lot has changed since then.  I have regularly covered my hair to some degree while at church for two years now.  Renewing our vows at church means I have to find an appropriate way to cover that won’t clash with my outfit.

Ahh, yes – my outfit.  Not only did I refuse to wear a veil 10 years ago, I also refused to wear white.  I took offense at the thought that I was expected to be a virgin, and to advertise this fact, while my husband’s premarital virtue was a non-issue.  But not only that, I simply did not look good in white.  Perhaps part of that was psychological – I didn’t want to look good in white, so I didn’t think that I did.  In the end, I found an ethereal ankle-length spaghetti strapped dress in gorgeous bright red!

Did I mention my wedding dress also revealed my tattoo? :)

If a bride’s goal on her wedding day is to feel like a princess, then my beautiful red dress did just that.  I can’t imagine feeling as special, feminine, attractive, in any other dress.  Another bonus to wearing a non-white dress was that I took pride in being able to wear it at other times in my life.  I thought it was such a waste to purchase an article of clothing that would never be worn again.  For our first anniversary, Alex booked us a fancy dinner cruise, and we dressed up in our wedding attire, so I got my wish!  After that, we simply posed for a photo op each year, so that I could have an excuse to put on my wedding dress, both to show that I still fit into it, and just to feel beautiful. 

I hoped to bring the first 10 years of our marriage to a close wearing the same dress that was there in the beginning, if for no other reason than because I can.  Yet as I think about it now, I’m not sure how I can pull off this dress with a veil?  And it’s not just a veil that I’d need to find to match the dress.  I also lean more conservatively on the modesty scale now.  My exposed shoulders and upper back feel a bit risqué for who I am today.  So I have some work to do in this department.

The only other thing I’m holding onto as far as control over our renewal is the budget… and Alex is fighting me every step of the way on that!  I'm sure we can work something out to our mutual satisfaction soon.  Stay tuned! :)