Visibility in Catholicism

Visible Authority.

I saw this phrase in reference to the Pope and it stopped me in my tracks, for it is what I've also fixated on in my last post about the Eucharist - specifically its visibility!

Visibility in Catholicism: Pope (visible authority of Christ on Earth); Eucharist in Tabernacle (visible Eucharistic incarnation of Jesus); Bible (visible words of God).

Visibility in Orthodoxy is in the worship experience itself.  The embodiment of the faith is easily visible.

The Orthodox focus is more mystical, and I generally like that.  But when everything is sort of vague, I guess the autistic in my can't process that.  If I can run with it in whatever direction I feel led, that's one thing.  But Orthodoxy insists on having figured things out and teaching with authority but basing a lot of it on mysticism.  What if my mystical experience is different?  Is it still considered valid?

There really is a lot of variety within the Catholic church.  There's the Eastern Rite, the Latin Rite, the Traditional Latin Mass... Perhaps the magic ticket would be to find a TLM parish whose reverence and joy rival that of the Orthodox church we've been attending periodically.

And if we can't?  We may need to split our time between Orthodoxy and TLM, but I have a very strong feeling that it will need to be a TLM if we maintain any ties to Catholicism.  If it was just Novus Ordo, it would not be much of a competition.

But the Catholic Eucharist is that visibility of the incarnation of Jesus according to Matthew 26:26, the institution of the Eucharist.

And while I get the critique of Orthodox against the "unity" of Catholicism as being merely obedience to the Pope, and not reflected in its liturgical practices, one could counter that with the inverse argument.  The unity of the Orthodox church is based on common liturgical practices and no singularity.  But then again, unity of practice actually isn't the truth, because there are Oriental Orthodox churches that are considered schismatic to the Eastern Orthodox church, and the Eastern Rite Catholics are nearly indistinguishable from the Orthodox, yet certainly are not Orthodox in name.  Therefore, we're just splitting hairs with that argument.

The unity that ought to concern us is this: do we follow Christ?  Do we try to live out His teachings and imitate His example?  Do we agree on His being the incarnation of God?  If yes, then I think that makes the majority of all Christians members of His church, which has no physical governance on Earth.  

Outside of that, Catholicism makes sense from a universally practical perspective, and Orthodoxy makes sense from a locally governed perspective.  They really need to reconcile!

But until they do, I have to either attend both or choose one over the other.

Is the Catholic Eucharist an Idol?

The one thing I don't particular feel drawn to in Orthodoxy is the Eucharist.  I don't feel the need to go to Communion during Divine Liturgy.  I am perfectly happy with the antidoron, and there have even been times when I was perfectly happy with attendance at Vespers.  

The one thing that is pulling me back, giving me pause, causing me to linger with Catholicism is the Eucharist.  I remember how it used to be in other churches, other times.  When the whole of the Catholic Mass experience was reverent.  The tabernacle, the adoration, the benediction, the altar railing kneeling to receive Communion, that red light telling me "Jesus is home".  

When writing my poetry anthology, "From Faith to Peace", I pondered the different ways we have turned religious relics and sacramental items into idols.  I even recently heard a Catholic priest explain how we can even make God into an idol when we caricature Him into our own image of what we think He is like.  I've mentioned to the Orthodox priest I've consulted with how Protestants have turned the Bible into an idol.  I thought for a time that Catholics have turned the Pope into an Idol... but that's not quite right.  I think maybe Catholics have turned the Eucharist into an Idol?

This is what I have to take to prayer.  The Catholic Eucharist.  I have to read about it directly in the Bible, and I have to spend time in Eucharistic Adoration.  And I have to give this last TLM church a solid chance.  I have very high hopes for it, but only if the goal is to reengage with the Catholic church.  

Maybe what I am being led to is a corrected understanding of what the Eucharist is and isn't, what it should and shouldn't be, and therefore, where it can and cannot be found.

Why Even Hesitate if Orthodoxy is so Great?

I love the Orthodox Church we've been going to.  The priest, the community, the interior decoration, the chanting, the beauty, the reverence, the more appropriate dress of the faithful, the presence of a large number of homeschooled children, the fact that both my husband and my daughter likewise enjoy this church and prefer it to others, the sense of God's presence.

God's presence.  There's something strange going on here that is giving me pause.  I blame my autistic brain, but anyway.  It seems that God is present in this church *when there is a worship service going on*.  I feel a sense of timelessness, a sense of getting a preview of heaven.  But then when the church is empty, when the people have gone... I don't know.  

I don't really feel a need to linger.  And maybe that's fine and the way it's meant to be.  After all, Jesus said that where 2 or 3 are gathered, there He will be (Matthew 18:20).  He didn't say, as Evangelicals like to insist, that He wants a personal 1:1 relationship with us as individuals.

The way I remember church (Catholic) is that there was this reverence, singing of meaningful songs that I knew and liked, people dressed appropriately, interior looked like a church, etc... AND front and center - the tabernacle that housed the Eucharist.  The little red light signaled Jesus's presence.  Even if no one else was in the church but me, as I entered, I dipped my fingers in the holy water font, made the sign of the cross, genuflected before the tabernacle, and greeted the Lord.  

On retreats, I've spent time on my knees in the dark just praying next to the Tabernacle.  In Adoration, I've sat in silence when others likewise sat in silence, and I communed with God.  During Mass, I would take my place at the altar railing and wait my turn for the priest to bring me the Eucharistic Host and place it directly on my tongue, after having reminded me that it was "the Body of Christ".  

Once I learn something a certain way, it is very difficult for me to expand that understanding to include other expressions.  I guess religious matters are no different.  I never really made the connection between the Eucharistic Host and the word "bread", or the fact that Jesus used actual bread, much more closely related to the bread used in Orthodox Liturgy.

Having the physical presence of the Eucharistic Jesus remain there for me to ponder, to return to, to gaze upon, to consider as I process His Real Presence... that is not something I find in the Orthodox church.  It is the one thing that is lacking in Orthodoxy for me.

But I can't just think about myself anymore.  My priority is to raise my children to love the Lord.  If they don't feel engaged at TLM, but they do feel engaged at Divine Liturgy, then I cannot ignore that.  If we say we want community with fellow believers and followers of Christ, so that our children can be surrounded by positive role models, and the atmosphere at the TLM is somber and cold, then we cannot pretend it will magically bare the fruits that the Orthodox experience is baring.

For the time being, I remain as Jesus without a place to lay my head (see Matthew 8:20).  I will continue to alternate between Orthodoxy and Catholicism, but I see that I need to focus all of my attention on TLM.  Going to an Eastern Rite Mass will be no different for me than going to an Orthodox Divine Liturgy, from the perspective of the Eucharist.  

I don't care about alignment with the pope.  I don't believe one of these churches is somehow more authentic than the other.  I believe they're two lungs of the Church of Christ started 2k years ago.  What a travesty that they remain in schism, and what a travesty that the Latin rite has gone so far to assimilate itself to its Protestant Western competition.  It's pretty much unrecognizable unless you know exactly what to look for, and even then; Orthodoxy is way closer to my Catholic formation than Novus Ordo Masses.

Maybe, like in the prayer of Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (Patient Trust), I need to heed this advice: "Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete."

Differences in Eucharist Between Orthodoxy and Catholicism

1. 

Orthodox: use leavened ("real") bread

Catholic: use unleavened "bread" (host)

2. 

Orthodox: use spoon to give both body and blood of Christ to communicant

Catholic: use hand for host and chalice for wine

3. 

Orthodox: Communion is received directly in the mouth by the communicant

Catholic: Communion host can be received either on the tongue or in the hand; communion wine is sipped from chalice

4. 

Orthodox: Priest offers Communion

Catholic: Priest or Eucharistic Minister offers Communion

5. 

Orthodox: all Orthodox who have properly prepared (confession, fasting, hearing that day's Gospel, etc.) can receive Communion, regardless of age

Catholic: Eastern Rites, same as above, but Latin Rite (majority of Catholics), only receive Communion after a certain age/grade and time of "education/preparation"

6. 

Orthodox: Eucharist is not displayed or otherwise housed in a tabernacle for adoration. It is only processed around the narthex during Divine Liturgy prior to reception of Communion.

Catholic: Eucharist (consecrated hosts) is kept in a tabernacle and taken out in a monstrance for benediction/adoration/procession.  Often a church will have a tabernacle in both the narthex and the adoration chapel.  When passing in front of the tabernacle, one is supposed to reverence it.

7. 

Orthodox: Eucharistic miracles are much less common and when they do occur, seem to be a form of punishment for disbelief.

Catholic: Eucharistic miracles are much more common.

8. 

Orthodox: all communicants always receive both forms of the Eucharist.

Catholic: most of the time, only the host is received by the faithful.

9. 

Orthodox: Communicants stand, stoop down if needed, or are held (if small children) to receive the Eucharist.

Catholic: used to receive while kneeling at the altar railing, which only happens at Traditional Latin Masses now.  Otherwise, communicants generally receive while standing in line, or can genuflect before receiving or kneel on the floor (very uncommon).

10.

Orthodox: there is very little chance of desecrating the morsels of Communion.

Catholic: desecration of the host is very possible, as people receive on the hand, often walk away before putting host in their own mouth, and so could technically never actually put it in their mouth and do who knows what with it.

Gaining Christian Consciousness

 "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money." Matthew 6:24

Not just money. You cannot serve both God and the Worldly culture. You cannot serve both God and modernity. You cannot serve both God and a political ideology. You cannot serve both God and.... you get the idea.

I am finally understanding what is at stake here, and what Jesus meant when He said, "If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also." (John 15:20)

Final thought for the moment is from Isaiah 5:20:

"Woe to those who call evil good and good evil,

who put darkness for light and light for darkness,

who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter."

Desires in a Church

1. Clear boundaries, even if I disagree, so at least I know what I'm pushing against.

2. Reverent & joyful worship.

3. The Eucharist - what did Jesus mean and which church best exemplifies Jesus's intention?

4. Children surrounded by positive role models - modest and appropriately dressed, reverent behavior in church, daily virtue (friendly, kind, sharing, diverse, understanding, polite, helpful).

5. Outreach to the community.

6. Focused on Christ and His teachings and example.

Orthodoxy vs Catholicism

 Things I appreciate about Catholicism:

1. Eucharistic Adoration

2. Kneeling (I need to go back to this when receiving Communion)

3. Stations of the Cross

4. Rosary

5. Latin (I may want to find a TLM)

6. Frequency of Mass availability; more churches around

7. Options within Catholicism: TLM, Easter Rite, Novus Ordo

8. Bells to mark clear moment of transubstantiation

9. Ability to attend a new Catholic church without being approached by anyone.

10. Jesuits & Franciscans

Of these, how many are things that I experience on a regular basis when attending Mass where I go? Even the bells for transubstantiation are sometimes missing at a Novus Ordo Mass!  Much less receiving on the tongue, while kneeling, at the altar railing!  What I'm looking for doesn't exist anymore in the majority of Masses at a majority of the Catholic churches I have been to. 

What can I do as I try to discern if it is possible to recapture some of that reverence and desire for piety and worship that I find missing in my current church experience?

1. I can start wearing the head covering to Mass, not just to Divine Liturgy.

2. I can start receiving Holy Communion on the tongue while kneeling, even if it holds up the line, even if the priest must sanitize his hands afterwards.

3. I can start spending time in Adoration again.

4. I can return to monthly Confession.

5. I can make a solid effort to find a joyfully reverent Traditional Latin Mass or Eastern Rite Mass, and see how these compare to the Orthodox Divine Liturgy at Holy Cross.

Things I appreciate about Orthodoxy:

1. Reverence

2. Beautiful interior

3. Chanting

4. Headcovering for women perfectly normal

5. Standing, bowing

6. Joyful atmosphere

7. Approachability of the people

8. Understanding of the priest

9. Shared values (homeschooling, ethnic diversity, chastity)

10. Whole of worship feels embodied

11. Fasting/abstinence

12. Married priests and their wives have certain position in the church

13. Communion bread prepared by the faithful

14. Feel God's presence, transported to a timelessness

15. Rule of life allowed both me and Natalia to start a daily prayer life

16. I wouldn't mind Antonio becoming a priest so he could also first be married.

17. Natalia's favorite church - and her faith has been my concern for over a year.

Once we become catechumens in the Orthodox church, we will need to stop frequenting Catholic worship.  What are my concerns about this?  I think after say a period of one year post-conversion, I would feel comfortable going back periodically for Eucharistic Adoration, Stations of the Cross, or if there's ever an opportunity to actually receive Communion at the altar railing (say, while abroad), or of course for someone's special occasion.

How much of what draws me to Orthodoxy is the faith itself, and how much is this particular parish?  Does that make a difference?  What if we join the Orthodox church, and then move and find that those local Orthodox churches don't hold a candle to this one?  But we do find a Catholic church that does at last?  For this reason, I want my son to receive his first Reconciliation and Communion in the Catholic church.  If we ever face this situation, we can go back to Catholicism.  Oh, I know religious loyalists will scoff at this, even call it sinful.  But see, I'm not in the business of church loyalty.  I'm trying to follow Christ wherever He leads me.  I do not pretend to know that I know everything, and frankly, I don't trust anyone who thinks they have it all figured out either.  Thousands of years of Church Tradition is actually present in both churches, so there is no convincing me that one is somehow superior to the other.  I believe Christ is fully present in both, and so I'm not deciding based on logic but based on the fruits that each church produces, specifically in our lives.

Then again, my daughter has stated that the Orthodox church is her favorite, my husband says he feels the Holy Spirit there, so I may just be afraid of change.  My daughter especially should be my priority.  I see hope for her spiritual growth in the Orthodox church.  I don't see it in the Catholic church.