I came across a new word that perfectly describes what I've been trying to distance myself from: churchianity. I made the mistake of mentioning to a couple of nondenominational Protestants my desire to distance myself from some of the practices of Catholicism because they were distracting me from following Jesus. I said that I thought they had value and the potential to lead people closer to Him, but for me where I'm at on my journey, they were having the opposite effect.
Now my Protestant friends, bless their hearts, must see me as ripe for the picking and are encouraging me to check out their church. I've mentioned that I'm not looking to change churches (again), but rather that I'm looking for a more intimate gathering where we can discuss the faith without the lens of a denomination.
I feel like I can't have these conversations with Catholics, who will warn me of my impending apostacy or at the very least hereticism, and I can't talk to Protestants, who will warn me that remaining affiliated with the Catholic church is demonic or at the very least idolatrous. I probably could talk to Quakers or Unitarians, but we would quickly clash on social issues, as both of these groups lean left politically, which is why we aren't going to their Sunday worship services.
But luckily I came across a new website/ministry that is speaking to my heart: Home - School of Christ. As I began to explore the teachings here, I realized this is exactly what I've been looking. And I can't say that I didn't know it, because I've been following similar teachings from Catholic priest, Father Richard Rohr: Daily Meditations — Center for Action and Contemplation (cac.org). What both of these followers of Christ have in common is that they do not throw away the proverbial baby with the bathwater. They recognize that there is much wisdom and peace to be gained from aligning one's life with the person of Jesus Christ, but so doing does not have to look like religiosity.
I'm reminded of two other philosophies I've studied in the past that really resonated with me but back then, I couldn't distinguish between the different aspects of my spirituality that needed to be fed, and I assumed there was only the one-stop-shop approach: I either aligned 100% with the teaching, or not at all, and the said teachings had to include a regular meeting place where we would gather with like-minded people (church). The two philosophies I'm speaking of are Deism and Daoism.
Deism lacks a personal relationship with God. Daoism lacks a personification of the Dao. Finally, I hope and pray, I may be at a cross-roads where I'm ready to embrace the fact that I can continue to have my "social" needs met by continuing with Sunday Mass participation, while looking elsewhere for philosophical and spiritual conversations with like-minded people. I used to worry about coming across as a hypocrite, but now I see religion for what it is, and I have no reason to feel any sort of loyalty to them.
Christian Deism takes their moral and ethical stance from the example of Jesus, but they deny His divinity. Daoism, of course, does not believe in His divinity either, since Jesus doesn't factor into the original philosophy. But looks like someone thankfully beat me to it with this Christian Daoist website: Process Worldview - Open Horizons .
The bottom line, and I've known this for a while but never had the courage to implement and internalize it, is that I hover near religiosity due to my need for external validation. This is a disease, not a virtue. I need to work my way through this in order to embrace the simple message of Jesus that does not threaten anyone with hell.
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