My autistic spirituality may be a factor, and I will not be told/judged as having an "inauthentic" faith simply because it looks different than that of others.
Love is a decision and choice, not feeling --> relationship with Christ as "working out my salvation", what on the surface may appear to be "going through the motions" but differs from it by an internal intention and the openness to being changed in the process.
I have seen people "going through the motions", doing the things that outwardly express their supposed faith, but when you dig a little below the surface, it quickly becomes evident that this is just superficial piety, nothing based on a repentant heart. In my extended family, external religiosity is merely polite culture.
The outwardly religious are just as likely as the outwardly atheists to ridicule me for wanting to fast beyond "no fish Fridays", participate in daily Mass, go on retreat, pray grace at every meal, etc. So I know that to some who have been hurt by religionists, external expressions of religion may be associated with superficiality, but they are not automatically so!
I see these externals as ways that a truly spiritual heart would want to express itself and maybe even share its peace and joy with others. Or alternately, these are ways by which the spiritual heart can go deeper into relationship with God - precisely through the physicality of the rituals. I believe in an embodied faith. I think it is ironic how so many supposed Christians - who believe that God Almighty became incarnate, that is, took on a physical body - would look down on physical expressions of said faith.
The body is good and holy and a temple of the Holy Spirit. It is right to adorn it with religious symbols such as a crucifix. It is right to mark it with the sign of the cross. It is right to utilize our senses to express our faith - be that through the sense of smell of incense, the sense of hearing of music, chant, bells..., the sense of touch via prayer beads, the sense of taste of Holy Communion, the vestibular sense of movement via metanoias, kneeling, prostrations, etc.
We cannot look at the expression of a person's religion and judge them. We can only look at the fruit that their religiosity is bearing in their lives. Are they peaceful and joyful? Are they merciful and compassionate? If so, what's the problem? Clearly, their religious piety is helping them to be more virtuous and holy. If not, then the problem isn't their piety but the disposition of their heart. And that is true for the spiritual-but-not-religious as well.
Plenty of people claim to be spiritual but not religious and nonetheless the lack of religiosity does nothing to help them be more joyful or peaceful, merciful or compassionate. On the other hand, other spiritual-but-not-religious-ers are plenty virtuous and holy, even if they don't subscribe to any particular religious tradition, or they do, but they don't participate in it regularly.
Only God knows their hearts. Only God knows if they are meeting their obligations to God. Practical and pragmatic alternatives being unbearable, I believe God meets us wherever we are and honors our turning to Him no matter what the reasons or details.
Having considered the secular, materialistic alternative to religiosity, I have decided that life would not be worth living with that worldview. I refuse to succumb to it, even if in the end it turns out that it is factual. Factual does not mean "true". Truth is something that permeates existence and cannot be pinpointed with language.
While many would argue that my falling into Christianity isn't "valid", I disagree. I believe that it is impossible to make a solid case for the superiority of the Christian religion with the number of in-house disagreements within Christianity. How can Christians claim they've got it all figured out if they don't even think other Christians have it all figured out?
But what I CAN get on board with is the spirit of the fundamentals of the faith, which I believe is based on the incarnation of the Divine, on the eternity of life, on the power of repentance and forgiveness, on the importance of mercy and compassion. If a worldview somehow contributes to these principles, then I think it is doing the work of Christ, and it makes no difference if we use the label "Christian" for them or not.
(As an aside, the word "Christian" in Polish is actually literally translated as "The Baptised" - it's based on the act of baptism rather than on the name of the One who modeled baptism for us, namely Christ. Christians even disagree on the meaning and importance of baptism, and certainly on the appropriate timing of it. So with this in mind, some Christians may not be considered Christians in Polish. But I digress...)
In a nutshell, I came to Christ by way of the process of elimination. I tried on different worldviews, different religions, different spiritualities. And while each had something to offer, not having found a perfect fit anywhere, I decided to do the practical thing and return to my roots. I figured, if I'm not reinventing the wheel, trying to learn new prayers, new rituals, new ways of explaining life, then I can better concentrate on going deeper in the faith that already comes naturally to me.
I want to end this thought process on the following note: I do not know of any mystics - in any religious tradition - that bicker about the need of people switching religions. Rather, mystics urge us to go deeper, wherever we are. And I believe firmly that if we go deep enough, regardless where we started, we will end up at the heart of all religion - union with God, theosis, salvation, nirvana, enlightenment, heaven, or at it's most basic: eternal peace and joy!
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