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Wednesday, June 22, 2022

Autistic Spirituality

1. The rigorous black-or-white thinking of my autistic brain means that I am at risk for scrupulosity. It means I cannot readily pick out the nuances of rules, and so I try to stick to them at all costs.

2. My sense of justice means that I will find every instance of injustice and unfairness everywhere I look, and as a result, I will conclude that there is no perfect church, denomination, or faith tradition that truly expresses my understanding of God. 

3. It will also make it very difficult for me to trust imperfect people who presume to tell me how to live my life, including religious authorities.

4. My hypersensitivity means that I easily pick up on oversights, discrepancies, and hypocrisy.  I cannot look past it to appreciate the bigger picture.

5. It also means that I am drawn to beauty, including in worship services.  I will gravitate towards more esthetically beautiful worship services and fail to get much out of more mundane services.

6. My noise sensitivity in particular means that I'm not going to want to be in loud, crowded places.  I would much rather be alone and in silence.

7. Because socialization does not come naturally to me, I find myself most comfortable in a highly scripted, liturgical setting, where I can "be with people" without having to really think about what to say or do around those people.

8. Also because I prefer to be alone and ponder ideas rather than interact with others, I find it difficult to find ways to serve in the community, to fellowship, and even to develop a relationship with God.  

9. The anxiety I get around socialization also prevents me from certain service and fellowship opportunities, which in turn often incite guilt in me (due to #1 scrupulosity), which keeps me pretty busy worrying about how I'm falling short instead of focusing on how I can serve and worship God.


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